Cheers to Happiness

Hey guys hope y'all are doing good because I know I am. I'm sorry that I left the last post the way I did but it's all for a good reason. Anyways moving on I decided to have my best friend do the craziest thing and sign me up for a dating website. Crazy yes I know but you only live once so take a chance. I did end up going on a few dates and figured out and learned how I was supposed to be treated by men. However I just really didn't find the right one yet. Anyways one day while in the mall with my friends I decided to write a letter to Santa and ask for a boyfriend crazy and silly but why not. A few days later I started talking to this guy on the dating website and everything felt so right. He never asked me to do anything I didn't want but he wanted to know me. I felt like I was in a great place and he was right for me. He was different and I liked it because I've been hurt by men and this time I just knew it was different. To make a long story short this man checks off all the qualities I want in a man and he makes me happy and compliments me on a daily basis. The most important thing is he makes me smile laugh and so happy. He feels like a blessing from god and I'm thankful he is my boyfriend and god created him for me. I don't know what the future holds for me and him but I can't wait to find out.

New Year Greater Me :p

Hey guys sorry that it's been a while since I've posted anything. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. Well so back in November I decided hey I'm going to write Santa a Letter. Silly I know but we all only live once so I figure why not. Back in November I decided that I was gonna move on a be a happier me. I was officially done with the whole depressed me. I started talking to some guys and I even went on a few dates. Me I know right but the way these men treated me made me realize that I am a beautiful woman and there are men out there who think so. I went on this one date with a guy who I thought dang we have this awesome connection good time but then it came down to me asking god why this and that was happening bad things to me. Now I look at it as 2012 was a terrible year because 2013 was going to be an awesome year. I think you guys are gonna like where this goes in the next post :D

Moving On..

I apologize on it being so long since my last blog. Today I'd like to talk about how I got to the place where I am now. After that day I would always be stressed out and thinking I had the worst life ever. I went into this depression mode because of this guy. He would talk to me one day and shun me for months on end and ignore me. I honestly wanted to give up because I felt that I was nothing. I was on this roller coaster and I really just needed to finally hop off. I just felt that this guy would one day change and be different. When he finally got to be happy I think that was my turning point in seeing if he wants to move on I will to because he will no longer bring me down. I'm a strong beautiful woman and I can be me and be accepted that way. I know leaving you with that you wanna know more but my next few blogs will be what I think great :)

Merry Christmas....

I'll keep this blog short and simple just because its Christmas but I would like to say a few things. This will be my 24th Christmas wow that really seems like a lot to me. I've had one's where I got tons of things and well not so much things. However the one's that I cherish the most are the Christmas where I just spent it with my family. Of course all of us kids pretty much have grown up and have a big life but isn't that how life is supposed to be. This Christmas I think means a lot to me because I've got to look back on this past year. I've finally seen that no matter what I have been through the most important people to me are my family and friends who have been there with me through this whole process. Everything that my family has done and my friends who have honestly been right by my side. I remember this one day where it was really rough for me and I was scared but my two best friends said that no matter the outcome; they would be there right beside me and be there as much as the could but with me. I've realized that it is truly the small things that matter like eating and talking with your family at the Christmas dinner table. Maybe its even playing a trivia game that you wanna see who's good or bad. Then sitting around the television to watch "Duck Dynasty" and laughing and wishing that your family was like that. However honestly I wouldn't change mine for the world no matter how much sometimes they bug us or we wanna go insane. At the end of the day or your life their the ones who will be there for you and walking with you. Cherish what you have no matter what your going through and the past you have. Friends and Family are the one's who love you regardless the decisions or past you have or made. Sometimes we need to put it behind us and see the greater things in life.

Scariest Moment Ever...

I've gone through how could I tell this part of my life a million times in my head. I have yet to really know how I could tell you all about it without seeming like I'll jeopardize my future. However most of my friends and yes co-workers now know what the Scariest moment of my life really was. Well first I can lead up to how May 8th became the scariest moment of my life. I had only been working at my current job for about 7 months at the time but I had become friends with this guy I work with. We just talked all the time well actually I did most of the talking or texting then he did. Me and this guy have always been on this roller coaster kind of relationship the one where we were cool with each other one day and the next day and then next thing I know someone says he's talking smack. Yeah I know you shouldn't listen to other people but this was kinda hard when I always wanna be cool with people. I have this problem thing where I care about everyone way to much which isn't a bad thing but sometimes it isn't always a good thing. Anyways me and this guy stopped talking for like a month or so one day I was joking around being flirty kind of thing and next thing I know low and behold were cool again. Then all that something lead to something huge and something I could never take back. The only reason I think that I went with it was because at the time I thought well here's this guy who I'm friends with who is kinda giving me the time of day. I felt like at the time that he was accepting me which is what I have always just wanted. Until reality finally hit me and I finally saw the real side and the true colors. I mean here I was finally getting attention from someone and I didn't know how not to say no. We hung out for months and kept a whole lot secret for a really long time. Then came the day May 8th which yes is my best friends birthday which i'll never be able to forget or be so sorry for this happening. I think I can just say that I made a huge costly mistake and that I learned a huge costly lesson. I think that night was the hardest that I have ever prayed to god for forgiveness and to help me out of the situation. For days and weeks after that I had this deep depression state and I just couldn't forgive myself for all the wrong i did. I know God had forgiven me the moment and all the times I've done wrong but I felt like I had been away from him so long he would never forgive me. It's like a close friend of mine said that "what happens to coal when it's crushed" Me: "I don't know" He said:  "it makes diamonds and that will be you Brittany." I will never forget this because no matter what I'm going through no matter how ugly or crushed I am I will become something beautiful. I will be accepted and am accepted by friends and family just the way I am :) Hope this wasn't to much for ya'll today because it's a very hard subject for me :/

Wanting Acceptance

Hey everyone I hope you all are doing great besides this lovely rainy weather outside makes me kinda sleepy. Today I think I'd like to get down to business and get to the real hard stuff. When I decided that I was going to start a blog it was a way for me to tell you everything I've been through and am going through. However I have realized that I can't post everything I want to just for future safeness. With that being said let me talk about the title of this post. Wanting Acceptance yeah I know it's a very hard subject to talk about but it is needed to be talked about. I have always gone through life just wanting to be accepted by everyone just because that's my personality. I have always been the person who is caring and nice, that person who always apologizes even if they haven't done anything wrong. However because I have lived this way I started to grow a shell a very shy one at that it was just a very comforting place. All the way through middle school and some high school I was kind of a shunned person only because I was shy and well yes I was a much heavier person for my age. The fact that I'm so caring and shy and never wanted to say anything got in the way only because I've always wanted to be loved and accepted by everyone. I mean I've always had friends who have been there for me and had them but sometimes what you feel inside no one can help. I was the kind of girl who always had girls that were friends and never had any guy friends. Yes I've had my fair share of crushes but I always got nervous and NEVER had the courage to say a thing. I couldn't talk to them because then I felt like they would never be able to accept me for me. When I finally got a job in May of 2011 I saw things looking great I was gonna meet new people and have great friend. I stepped into a whole new world when I started a new job I was working with females and males. I ended up growing out of this thick shell that had formed around me and finally broken out of it. Mostly all the thanks for that was because of my best friend who wouldn't let me hide anymore. Also I had guys as friends for the first time ever and ended up become a really good friend with one of them or at least that's what I thought. This was the point in my life where I really started to lose sight of everything and had to worst perception of myself. This was all the start of wanting to be accepted.

Back in Time...

Today I think i would like to take you guys on a trip back in time sounds fun right. Well lets start off with a little history about who i was and "apparently" supposed to be. See here's the thing i have always grown up in church my entire life that it actually became a routine kind of thing. No i am not saying this is bad its just once you always constantly do the same thing it can become overwhelming.  Honestly I loved going to church all the time because I got to do the one thing I love the most to teach Drama and Dance :) I was fully committed to church and kids church because I know that's where my heart was gonna always be. Then,  I think this is what made me whole at times getting to see the beautiful little faces of the kids who looked up to you. Then it came to a point where i was like i am tired of going and get me out of here. That is honestly when I think reality hit me full force i can say yes i started to back slide and loose major track. I mean deep down I felt like how can I be a roll model to some of these kids when I can't even live a life completely right. I felt like I was always supposed to be Brittany the good little church girl who could never did wrong. I know right how could anyone live up to that standard. Well gosh dang it I was doing a really good job at it but oh little Satan has a way of attacking you. He can find you at your weakest yeah see i have greatly learned the hard way but there's another day for that. For now I leave you with this with everything bad there is something good. If you haven't seen it you will because I know I will it's just a matter of time :)